It’s Crazy-Making

I felt angry at having been thrown under the bus by a client, and I felt compassion for her because she thought that this path was her only choice.

The example above is real, but at the time it happened, I was so filled with fury that I couldn’t get to the compassion piece for a few days.  Ok, weeks.  How could I feel compassion for a person who treated me so disrespectfully?

When I finally breathed, I could see how sad her actions were.  I wasn’t the first or last to receive this kind of treatment, but more importantly – this is how she treats herself! The very act of throwing me under the bus was really her throwing herself under the bus.  She chose to disrespect her own ideas and self-worth because she felt that was the only way to play the game.  She and I and everyone else knew the truth, yet we all played along with the game of speak one thing and know another.  It’s crazy-making.

I’ve lived through many crazy-making scenarios at work (and outside of work).  I’ve found that when I stop and acknowledge the coexisting truths of a situation, it becomes un-crazy and very clear.

If I had been able to, real-time, acknowledge what was going on, I could have asked this client what had happened.  We could have broken through the game and been real with each other.  The truth is, she might not have been able to, but I never tried so the awkward feelings remain.

It takes practice to name coexisting truths real-time, but like all new efforts, it becomes easier the more you do it.  In fact, it becomes natural because it makes sense and brings clarity.

The naming of coexisting truths is a path to forgiveness, one of the hardest things we do in this life.  It leads us to the truth of what is happening and opens a path to connection beyond the moment.

I do wish I had been able to name the coexisting truths with that client real-time, and I’m glad I learned from that experience.