The ROI of People Pleasing

In business, decisions are based on the ROI- the return of the investment.  Generally speaking, you want the return to be equal to, or more likely, greater than the investment.

Let’s apply this concept to personal happiness and talk about the ROI of people pleasing.

Are you a people pleaser?  I used to be.  Ok, I still am, just a lot less.

A few years ago I realized that I was investing so much energy into pleasing others that I was miserable.  I finally decided to try and see how it would feel if I started honoring me as much as pleasing others.

This amazing thing happened.  I became much happier.  People asked me what had changed and I told them, “I’m being selective about what I do with myself and I feel great.”

I’ll give you some examples of honoring your self rather than others:

1. Three weeks ago I went to get a birthday pedicure.  I rarely do this anymore, so it was a special treat.

I asked for a regular pedicure, fire engine red, and the young woman asked if I wanted the special.  No thank you, I said.  How about an extra massage?  No thank you, I said. How about the salt scrub?  Hmm, how much was it?  $10.00 she said and looked at her colleague out of the corner of her eye.  Her colleague said, No, it’s $5.  She shushed her and fake smiled at me.

The story goes on with a few more exchanges between them until I finally sat up and said “Really?  Should I leave?” and I did.  I walked right out of the salon with wet feet in my socks and shoes and felt infuriated and empowered.  Then I walked into a different salon and had a wonderful pedicure.

2. A friend, let’s call her Jenny, had bought a groupon for a series of laser treatments, but the first one left her with a skin reaction.  Jenny called the spa and said she felt uncomfortable.  When the spa owner said she’d do it herself as opposed to the employee, my friend said “My body doesn’t feel safe.  We need to listen to our bodies.”  The spa owner agreed and refunded her the balance.

I am not exaggerating.  The spa owner offered to refund the balance and actually sent it.

3. I was on a first date a few years ago when the man I was with switched our plates.  I was mid bite and was so stunned I couldn’t put the forkful of tuna in my mouth.  He dug into my plate of food and smiled.

I put down my fork and said I needed to go.  He looked at me in surprise as I exited the restaurant amazed at his audacity.

No, I did not go out with him again.

4. A friend of mine likes to go to the hottest new restaurants; I don’t value trendy spots to that degree (or at all actually).  One time we waited for 3 hours to be seated and another hour before we were served.  I was grumpy, whiny and not fun to be with.  That was the last time I went with her to a trendy spot and it’s better for both of us.

Life is like business.  Invest in something (You) that will have the greatest ROI (Happiness) and everyone wins (Woo hoo!).