Just say Thank you

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”
– Meister Eckhart

I used to believe that self-deprecating thoughts and comments were showing modesty.  I’ll give you an example:
Friend: I like your sweater!
Me: Oh thanks, but it’s really old.

I’d walk away thinking how humble I was when in fact I –

1. rejected the nice comment my friend gave me and, as a result,
2. rejected her
3. plus I didn’t get to feel pretty in my sweater.

That’s a triple ewww.

Let’s try this example:
My boss: That was a good presentation.
Me: Really?  I thought it was ok but I went on a tangent in the middle.

I’d walk away thinking how humble I was and how I was so good at noting where I needed to improve.  Smug me.  What actually happened was –

1. My boss felt ignored
2. My boss started to question his perception of my presentation
3. My boss was annoyed that he didn’t get that brownie point for complimenting me
4. I missed out on feeling good about my boss’s compliment
5. I skipped over what I did well and never went back to look at that

When I was a teenager, my Grandma would compliment me.  I’d answer in my “modest” way and she’d say “Just say Thank You.”  Her tone was kind and loving and I did whatever she told me to do anyway, so I started to do it.  I thought she was being cute, but after a few experiences of saying Thank You and then biting my tongue, I realized how powerful her advice was.  It forced me to graciously accept a compliment, which had so many wonderful ripple benefits.  Let’s try it out.

My boss: That was a good presentation.
Me: Thank You.

What happened was –

1. My boss felt heard
2. My boss felt good about his perception of my presentation
3. My boss got that brownie point for complimenting me
4. I felt good about my boss’s compliment
5. I enjoyed what I did well

Saying Thank You allows us to give and receive at the same time.  It’s a kind, loving, respectful way to interact with people in every area of your life.  And it feels good.